I wish I knew how to quit you.

It has come to our attention through creatively spelled comments that some of you consider us ‘haters.’ To this we respond, pish posh.

We’d been looking for a reason to use the phrase ‘pish posh’ and this is it.

We are not haters. We are lovers. We want you all to be lovers with us, every night of the year.

Hrm. Wait. That sounds wrong.

How about this: wouldn’t you love to have a full year’s worth of excellent films to watch? Each and every night a different movie, and each of those movies stamped with the Stand By For Mind Control seal of excellence?

You don’t watch House. House watches you! With its mouth.

That lofty prize is now squarely within your reach, if your reach is square-shaped. All you need to do is follow the “I Like to Watch” link in our menu bar. There, you’ll find a constantly growing list of the films we love. And, as of today, there are precisely 365 cinematic marvels included. So unless it’s a leap year, you are all set! (If it is a leapy ear, just watch House twice.)

We also love light, romantic interludes like Ran.

These films have been carefully selected via a scientific process in which one of us (or both of us) loves a film and then we add that film to this list. On the I Like to Watch page, you’ll see a pretty little icon-sized version of the film’s poster and a link to either what we’ve written about the film, a dazzling video clip from it or, in one special case, a high-definition photograph of Salma Hayek riding a giant stoat buck naked and wielding a battle-axe. Just click each poster link and you’ll find it eventually.

What’s more, this collection of stunningly good movies isn’t just filled with dull-dull-boring-and-dull film school staples like The Birth of a Nation (not actually even on the list at present). It’s got everything from teen sex comedies to blood-curdling horror films to documentaries to blood-curdling teen sex comedies. You will like these movies. They will make you strong, like bull. (<- please read that sentence in an exaggerated Slavic accent)

In case you were wondering, Heathers is a blood-curdling teen sex comedy.

Strange Brew is not nearly as stupid as Rick Moranis looks.

So when you read something on this site and you think, “Me angry! Me has feeling for movie genitalhead write-person call duller than ladle made of marmalade;” take a deep breath. Do not feel the need to tell us to go Timecop ourselves. Just understand that we have seen so many REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY good films (and Strange Brew) that we are not so easily impressed by things the Academy of Motion Pictures Arts and Sciences wants to sell more tickets to.

But we are glad you liked Zero Dark Thirty.* 

*(Even though it was honestly not quite as good as The Day of the Jackal which was itself so boring that, in the middle of it, I kept turning to Dr. Mrs. Genius and saying, “Meanwhile, in the film you forgot you were watching… some guy bought a hat.”)

This Day of the Jackal watermelon-purchasing scene was the best watermelon-purchasing scene I’d seen since House. It lasted 3 minutes. In the end, the Jackal bought a watermelon.