Thinking outside the box isn’t that hard to do. You just scratch a small hole in the box, poke your thinking appendage through, and think away. No big deal. I […]

Nothing’s more primal than a river in a jungle. Jungles are ancient and thick with life. We came from the jungle. To return to it is to return to our collective past. We’re taking the river deep inside ourselves today, and we’re going to go mad doing it.

And in the beginning god created light. Shortly thereafter we got monsters. Always with the monsters. Monsters are an essential part of creation. Basically, you can’t have a real creation shindig […]

“If you take my advice, you’ll become one of the great balloon-folding acts of all time! Really, ’cause I don’t just see you folding balloons in joints. You listen to me, you’re gonna fold balloons at universities and colleges!”

For your birthday, I give you death. One long, slow, drawn out death. Or two, actually. One for me, and one for you — and sure, whomever else wants death […]

Are you a woman? Do you want to make a man do your bidding? There’s one sure-fire, time-tested method for success. Spread your legs for him. Or, better yet—don’t spread your legs for him.

Oh l’amour! Usually when I say that, I’m referring to noted author of Westerns, Louis L’Amour, and chiding him for his contribution to the film Hondo, but this time… no. This […]

Say! Look at that! A small piece of cheese has been discarded on the sidewalk. You know what that means, don’t you? Surely you know how to “read cheese,” as […]

Summer is upon us like a sweaty pro-wrestler wielding a folding chair, and you know what that means, right? Yes. It’s time to get on your bicycle and ride as […]

If there’s one thing we’ve got here in the good ol’ U.S. of A., it’s roads. Roads and freedom, the two things we’ve got in America. Or at least the […]

Alright get off the bus
You’re wild man, wild
What’re you saying? You’re stupid
You should sleep late man
It is much easier on your constitution

If you had the pleasure, or lack thereof, of growing up in the ‘80s, or otherwise living through it in any conscious way, you might have noticed the greed, the […]

You know what almost never goes wrong? A good, old-fashioned kidnapping. Particularly in the movies. Yep. If I were a character in a movie — and I might be based […]