Fast & Furious 6 Sicks Up All Over Itself
I should have stopped watching these films after Fast Five.
Mind Control Double Feature #97: Dead Writers
In which a pair of crazy writers write themselves into early graves.
Genius Star Wars Spin-Off Idea #1: Song of The Rancor
The first in a sure-to-be-endless series of genius ideas we, the kind souls at Mind Control, offer to the Disney Empire free of charge.
X-Men: Days of Future Pastiche
It is the presidential candidate of films — attempting to be all things to all people and so succeeding in taking a stand on nothing, evincing zero honesty or insight.
Vollmann’s Argall vs. Malick’s The New World vs. Disney’s Pocahontas
In which three versions of the same history shed light on the story-tellers behind them.
Mind Control Double Feature #96: How to Be a Rock God
You will watch these films and rock us sockless. And then you will collect all of our socks and make a shitload of sock puppets.
Fast Five in Overdrive
Say what you will about this franchise, or about Vin Diesel, or style over substance director Justin Lin, or even screenwriter Chris Morgan — this film is stupid good.
Going Ape #4: Conquest of The Planet of The Apes
We last left the apes wondering if Zira and Cornelius’s baby would grow up and spawn a race of super-intelligent apes that would one day take over the world. WRONG! Well, sort of.
Ida Know
Anna lives without history, but Ida occupies a spot in time, and a difficult one.
Godzilla, Or: Why Bother With Humans?
It’s a movie. About Godzilla. In 2014. He destroys some stuff, fights a couple of other monsters. There are people in the movie, but not so you’d notice.
The Double: One Movie, Twice The Boredom
In which Jesse Eisenberg plays two of himself, neither of whom is likely to keep you awake for a full 90 minutes.
Mind Control Double Feature #95: Oh, Those Sultry Western Women
‘Scuse me while I whip this out.
Second-Hand Hearts: Hal Ashby’s Total Heart Failure
Second-Hand Hearts was simply too weak to survive.
Romero’s Day of The Dead, Or: Who Wants A Pet Zombie?
Listen up, Bub: what we got here are a bunch of staggering zombies and a bunch of yelling humans. Guess which ones are more interesting?