Frozen: My Soul On Ice
Hollywood lusts after my children. This is both creepy and true. Script gnomes have spent countless hours crafting narratives designed to bring them back to the multiplex. From the mines […]
Mind Control Double Feature #80: Easy Money
NEVER NEVER NEVER keep a mysterious satchel of cash that inexplicably falls into your lap.
On How Invasion Of The Body Snatchers Had Its Real Ending Snatched
A true tale of extra-terrestrial abduction, in which a great movie was made slightly less great by forces of pure evil.
Black Sunday: Frankenheimer’s Long Bomb
Choosing something to watch off Netflix streaming isn’t as simple as winning one’s independence from the British. It takes time, concentration, and eyeballs—not just the whites, but the yolks as well.
The Fortune: Warren Beatty & Jack Nicholson In The Worst Thing Ever
If you’re going to watch a movie—and why wouldn’t you, movies are awesome, you love them, you’re here to read about them—I would suggest not, under any circumstances, watching The Fortune.
Mind Control Double Feature #79: Melodrama, damn you! Melodrama!
Shocks! Thrills! Murder! Adultery! Madness! Dare to enter this post if you will–but be warned–what you see within may never be unseen.
At Middleton Gets Graded Pass / Fail
It’s just as you dreamed: Andy Garcia all wet and glistening.
Top Ten Evil Alien Nuns Whose Heads Explode In Philomena
With so many to choose from, how, you ask, have I narrowed it down to ten? Science!
Duck, You Sucker & After The Fox: White Guys With Accents
In which famous Italian directors make what are not at all their most famous movies. Strange ’60s shenanigans result.
Why Anchorman Merits My Contempt
I say this realizing how many times you’ve seen it, and comprehending that you’ve memorized entire scenes, and understanding that you fully intend to name your firstborn son Champ.
Mind Control Double Feature #78: French Fried Animated Insanity
It’s the thing where the stuff goes throop-throop-throop and then that guy, I mean the pointy-headed underwater one? With the giant calves? No wait. That’s the other guy. The one with way too many bricks who’s actually a plastic horse.
New Star Wars Movies Gearing Up To Out-Awful The Prequels
New Star Wars trilogy said to suck, says everyone involved with new Star Wars trilogy.
The Last Stand Easily Kills Your Time
The Last Stand is either exactly what you expect or your irrationally fond memories of Commando have confused your brainparts. All of these movies are dumb, but some of them are also kind of fun. This one is dumb, fun, and Netflix streaming approved.
Haunted by The Past
Asghar Farhadi’s The Past (Le Passé) is close. It is close like the body beside you in bed. It is close like the memory of mistakes made.